Esther's Diary – Jesus, Life & Shenanigans

Bitterness, Forgiveness and Healing

Hi Queens! Thank you for joining me as we celebrate our first anniversary!!

Thank you all so much for the overwhelming love, support and encouragement you have shown me. I am truly grateful.

I hesitated a lot before posting this because I never want to be a “tea spilling” kind of writer. We already have the ShadeRoom for that lol. I want to give relevant information based on my own experience, so finding the right words and approach is key and I think I found it! Here we go:

As I already mentioned, I went through a difficult season last year. On top of being isolated, feeling stuck, working a job I almost hated, something happened that really struck a nerve. It was truly traumatic for me and unfortunately, I had to face it alone. Not because I didn’t have family and friends to support me, but I think there’s some situations that no one can truly understand. I found relief in my support system and I was really grateful to have a present brother, a caring father, a listening mother, funny friends and available mentors but at the end of the day, it was a me and God situation.

I fought many internal battles like bitterness, depression, and unforgiveness. It was eating me up to the point where I was having physical reactions. I can’t tell you how many times I struggled to get out of bed or didn’t want to see the morning come but by God’s grace and help, not only did He pull me through, He didn’t even allow me to stumble or fall. He made me understand that the shadow of death is just that. A shadow. And there’s nothing that I cannot overcome with Him by my side. So, even when weeping endured, joy came in the morning, or the next day, or the next day…

I knew I couldn’t keep on like this, so I had to do something. Starting this year, I decided to invest in myself. I remember telling my friends “I just want to be on my own happiness cloud”, whatever that looked like or meant for me. It wasn’t about performing self-care acts to check boxes on a list, but it was about the silent, little things.

Here are 5 things I’m doing to help me on this journey:

  1. Getting rid of anything that is not serving me:
    • Self-sabotaging habits like exercising but not eating right or not taking care of myself
    • Allowing what someone has said or done to me to resonate in my mind
    • Accepting behaviours in my space that are damaging to me
    • Following accounts on social media that are triggering. Anything useless has to go
  2. Revoking access:
    • If you’re stressing me, hurting me, triggering me, we’re going to need some BOUNDARIES or worst case, you gotta go!
  3. Renewing my mind through prayer and the word
    • Remembering who God says I am, believing it and accepting it
    • Letting go of self-doubt and lies
  4. FORGIVING:
    • Being honest and patient with myself
    • Having tough conversations
    • Expressing my feelings
    • Praying
  5. Picking up new habits:
    • Exercising AND eating healthy
    • Respecting the boundaries I set
    • Developing a new routine
    • HAVING FUN and taking on new challenges

That’s what I’ve been doing y’all. Little things on a daily basis. That’s how I started Conversations with E and working on the things I’ve been putting off for so long. I am taking in every moment, day to day.

God has been merciful. I am excited to take on new challenges and focus on me. I see growth in my life and I am so happy. All this is not for you to clap for me, but on top of encouraging someone on their journey, I always want people to leave my presence with something to think about. What can you do today to better your life? or better yet, what are you doing that could be sabotaging a potential better life? What can you do to change that? Is it your thoughts? your habits? your relationships? your attitude?

Think about, pray about, change it and be free! Live your best life. I am committed to becoming an ambassador of the “enjoyment” club and I want all my girls to join me on this journey.

LET’S GO !!

4 thoughts on “Bitterness, Forgiveness and Healing

  1. That part about exercising and not eating right whew...I'm so glad you are in a better place. Thanks for sharing the practical steps you have been taking, they are very helpful.

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